Propping Mountains Up on Matchsticks
I have avoided commenting about the Mary Winkler case on here because the last time I did that it opened a whopping big can of worms. But I’ve got comment moderation on now so, ergo, control.
For those of you who weren’t reading my blog when I was over at Live Journal, Mary and Matthew were friends of mine when he was our youth minister. This was back when Allie was born and Tricia was about 3. I helped them on youth retreats, went caving and rappelling with Matthew, and played cards late at night with Mary. I remember him as a great big guy who always had a smile on his face. The kids in the youth group called him “Wink.” His girls loved him; Mary loved him. I remember her laughing and riding around on his shoulders at a youth event. I remember Tricia crawling into his lap.
When I first heard what had happened, I didn’t know what to think. I visited Mary in jail, sent her cards of support, and wrote a letter for her probation. I stood there and prayed with her sister and father outside the McNairy County jail and watched while most of the media relied on outdated stereotypes or wrong information about the churches of Christ.
Long before most people knew what the motive was, I was told. And while I was shocked and horrified at the allegations of abuse, I also struggled to make sense of murder as a way out. I am aware of what abuse does to a person – how it lowers your self-esteem to the point where it doesn’t even occur to you to ask for help anymore because you honestly believe no one can.
I was never told about the check-kiting scheme. As details began to emerge, as I watched her lawyers mount a carefully calculated public relations scheme to enhance a sympathetic image, I grew more confused. The slick “Dream Team of the South” pretty much ruled the entire trial and courtroom. The prosecution came across as woefully under prepared for their strategy. There were a lot of questions left unanswered and a lot of angles that weren’t really explored.
I watched because I wanted answers, but I got none. Mostly just an overwhelming sense of sadness for three little girls who lives will never be the same. Matthew was made out to be a monster. Perhaps he was; there is so much that happens in a marriage that the rest of the world never sees. But we’ll never really know the truth. I’m sad for Dan and Diane Winkler and Matthew’s brothers. And I’m sad for Mary as well, because I truly believe she needs a lot of help mentally. When you know the individuals involved in something like this, things tend to go from a very clear black and white to a muddled gray.
There are people in my congregation who think she got off too easily. There are those who are broken-hearted that she has to spend even one night in jail. We don’t talk about it openly, but each person in the pew has an opinion about it. I’m proud of the fact that despite our differences of opinion, we can still get along and respect one another.
She was sentenced today; it looks like she’ll serve about two months. I still don’t know what to make of the situation. I feel like there is a feebleness in my humanity to comprehend the enormity of taking a life, the pain for his family too intense to digest, and a heavy sadness that weighs it all down. I'll keep on praying.
For those of you who weren’t reading my blog when I was over at Live Journal, Mary and Matthew were friends of mine when he was our youth minister. This was back when Allie was born and Tricia was about 3. I helped them on youth retreats, went caving and rappelling with Matthew, and played cards late at night with Mary. I remember him as a great big guy who always had a smile on his face. The kids in the youth group called him “Wink.” His girls loved him; Mary loved him. I remember her laughing and riding around on his shoulders at a youth event. I remember Tricia crawling into his lap.
When I first heard what had happened, I didn’t know what to think. I visited Mary in jail, sent her cards of support, and wrote a letter for her probation. I stood there and prayed with her sister and father outside the McNairy County jail and watched while most of the media relied on outdated stereotypes or wrong information about the churches of Christ.
Long before most people knew what the motive was, I was told. And while I was shocked and horrified at the allegations of abuse, I also struggled to make sense of murder as a way out. I am aware of what abuse does to a person – how it lowers your self-esteem to the point where it doesn’t even occur to you to ask for help anymore because you honestly believe no one can.
I was never told about the check-kiting scheme. As details began to emerge, as I watched her lawyers mount a carefully calculated public relations scheme to enhance a sympathetic image, I grew more confused. The slick “Dream Team of the South” pretty much ruled the entire trial and courtroom. The prosecution came across as woefully under prepared for their strategy. There were a lot of questions left unanswered and a lot of angles that weren’t really explored.
I watched because I wanted answers, but I got none. Mostly just an overwhelming sense of sadness for three little girls who lives will never be the same. Matthew was made out to be a monster. Perhaps he was; there is so much that happens in a marriage that the rest of the world never sees. But we’ll never really know the truth. I’m sad for Dan and Diane Winkler and Matthew’s brothers. And I’m sad for Mary as well, because I truly believe she needs a lot of help mentally. When you know the individuals involved in something like this, things tend to go from a very clear black and white to a muddled gray.
There are people in my congregation who think she got off too easily. There are those who are broken-hearted that she has to spend even one night in jail. We don’t talk about it openly, but each person in the pew has an opinion about it. I’m proud of the fact that despite our differences of opinion, we can still get along and respect one another.
She was sentenced today; it looks like she’ll serve about two months. I still don’t know what to make of the situation. I feel like there is a feebleness in my humanity to comprehend the enormity of taking a life, the pain for his family too intense to digest, and a heavy sadness that weighs it all down. I'll keep on praying.
posted by Lisa | 1:39 PM
4 Comments:
I wondered what you thought today as I saw the verdict handed down. Not knowing any of the players I don't guess my opinion matters or hold much merit. However, from what I watched on CourtTV, I saw her as playing the jury. I may just be going by women's instinct & gut feeling from a people person. I have a hard time believing anyone that shoots someone in such a manner & unplugs the phone so he can't call for help, all while her own children are in the house. I do not believe THAT is someone trying to save herself or do what's best for her children. (and it's rather telling when your own child doesn't want to come live with you.)
I have to admit I'm rather insulted at the sentencing & how everyone in the news feels she'll easily get her kids back after a time. I'm with you that God is the only one I guess that can sort it all out.
It's so sad when things like this happen with people you thought you knew. A family in the church I grew up in had adopted 2 children (boy and girl), and the boy was about the same age as my youngest brother. Years later, he beat his grandmother to death with a baseball bat and drove around with her body in his trunk. It still affects people, even 15-20 years later. Hang in there.
We will never know the answers, only God will. You are right, the best you can do is pray. God is the judge, God will deal with the necessary consequences. God knows the true motivations.
What a tough situation to be in, Shell.
What a measured and grace-filled post. You are right; only God knows all the truth of this case, and I'm sure He has wept over the way the Enemy has worked within this family. How wise to leave the conclusions in His hands, and to pray to Him for healing. I'm so sorry this has struck so close to home.
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