Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow, Ow
Indulge me, if you will:
You know that feeling where, deep down under the surface, you already know the answer to this particular situation in your life, like .5% of you understands that you are not headed in the right direction - the resolution you are really, really wanting is not going to go your way - but you ignore it and push on anyway and then one night in the middle of a parking lot God manages to finally drop a huge, you-cannot-ignore-this, Wile E. Coyote-style anvil on your head and you come face to face with the fact that yes, indeed, He answered your prayer and No, sorry, it was not the answer you were looking for?
You know that feeling? The one where you are literally gritting your teeth with a fake smile plastered on your face and all you want to do is just get in your car (the new Honda! a little bright spot in this otherwise hideous tableau) and just maybe get on I-40 heading west and keep on going and maybe grab Mom and Dad in Oklahoma on the way to the coast and don't stop until you hit the Pacific Ocean where you spent many, many happy days as a child and because the ocean somehow calms you down and heals you and connects you and puts you back on your little feet again?
But all you can actually do is get in the car and drive home and load the dishwasher and pretend you are stuffing all that hope and disappointment into it and that perhaps, maybe, just maybe, you can just push a button and your self would come out all clean and fresh and shiny?
Because how to describe that feeling is kind of eluding me at the moment, but that's exactly how I feel.
You know that feeling where, deep down under the surface, you already know the answer to this particular situation in your life, like .5% of you understands that you are not headed in the right direction - the resolution you are really, really wanting is not going to go your way - but you ignore it and push on anyway and then one night in the middle of a parking lot God manages to finally drop a huge, you-cannot-ignore-this, Wile E. Coyote-style anvil on your head and you come face to face with the fact that yes, indeed, He answered your prayer and No, sorry, it was not the answer you were looking for?
You know that feeling? The one where you are literally gritting your teeth with a fake smile plastered on your face and all you want to do is just get in your car (the new Honda! a little bright spot in this otherwise hideous tableau) and just maybe get on I-40 heading west and keep on going and maybe grab Mom and Dad in Oklahoma on the way to the coast and don't stop until you hit the Pacific Ocean where you spent many, many happy days as a child and because the ocean somehow calms you down and heals you and connects you and puts you back on your little feet again?
But all you can actually do is get in the car and drive home and load the dishwasher and pretend you are stuffing all that hope and disappointment into it and that perhaps, maybe, just maybe, you can just push a button and your self would come out all clean and fresh and shiny?
Because how to describe that feeling is kind of eluding me at the moment, but that's exactly how I feel.
posted by Lisa | 11:25 AM
3 Comments:
oh I do know that feeling. I do. Let's just say it's a long road back from MI to PA after an interview that you know didn't get you the job. Yep, know that feeling.
Hang in there. Keep in mind how it feels when God opens a door you weren't expecting and wonderful things happen!!
If it's what I think it is, then I know exactly what you mean.
I'm trying to remember who said it, but letting go of the life you you planned frees you to live the life you're supposed to live. That doesn't mean it isn't going to hurt to get there, but it means that the process (however painful) is worthwhile.
Actually, this helped more than anything else: http://thisfish.ivillage.com/love/archives/2003/12/getting_over_under_around_thro.html.
If the link doesn't make it through the comment/posting, let me know and I'll email it to you....
Hang in there - tomorrow is Friday, and you finished a novel, girlfriend!!
Been there done that. What sucks is when the anvil falls, it usualy leaves a mark. Ouch! Praying for you chick!
Post a Comment
<< Home